Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Resolve and Resolution

As the start of a new year draws closer, I can't say that I'm not nervous.
So many new things are going to take place-- new experiences, new people, new places
Man... I can hardly believe I only have a few more years before I'm done with college and then fully stepping into the "real world". 
I'm nervous... but not afraid

I realize that I have some growing up to do and I'm thankful for those who have helped to point it out. It was a wake up call. One that I really needed. 

It made me see that every single day is full of great potential. Every PERSON is full of great potential. But it is ENTIRELY up to you of how you spend a day and how you use what's given. 
Whether you choose to give or take. Whether you choose to fight or surrender. Whether you choose to love or hate. Whether you choose to ignore or listen. 
It's a choice. Everything is a choice. 

I don't ever want to hear anyone say "But I had no choice!" because there is ALWAYS a choice. 
A choice of action. A choice of response. 

I thought about ignoring people when they pointed out my mistakes and stumbling blocks... there are times that I have, but I've learned to take advice humbly and with an open mind. 
Even if it's not the nicest thing to hear, there is always something I can learn. 

So... I choose to listen. And to act. 
I'm going to jump with both feet instead of having one foot on either side of the line. 
There are times to play it safe and there are times to risk it all. 

When it gets hard (and there is no doubt in my mind that it WILL be hard), I will fight with everything I am unless I know I need to let go and surrender. 

I resolve to continue growing and learning because there is never an ending to it unless you choose to purposely avoid it. 

I also choose to love. Not that cheesy romance stuff you see on tv or in books (even though I DO really enjoy that stuff...) 

It's that love that "never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures every circumstance".
I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. 
I want to help someone even when no one else will. 
I want to stand for what is right even if everyone else choose to sit. 

I know that.. despite my hopes, not everyone will accept me. Not everyone will be my friend. Not everyone will support me or stay with me but... 
for those who do, I will do my best to do the same. 
And for those who don't... I will do my best to treat you fairly and love you like a friend, but I also won't let myself be taken advantage of. 

I may not know everything about myself, but I DO know who I want to be and I will strive for it. 

I know I'm not strong... in fact, I see myself as someone weak. But I'll continue to work at becoming stronger because there's a fight worth fighting and prize worth claiming. 

I'm going to run this race with everything I have until my last breath. 

I hope you will too because even though it's hard, life is good.

I wish you hope, joy and truth!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Waiting. Second chances. Giving up.

If anyone thinks waiting isn't hard, let them try it before coming to me and saying that it isn't. I don't just mean waiting in line for something. Or waiting for a friend to text you back. 

...waiting for the right moment to tell the truth about how you feel about someone. 
...waiting for the right person and not just hoping someone is-- actually using time, YEARS, to get to know someone inside out before deciding you want to spend your life with them. 
waiting for a friend who's turned their back on you, hurt you, betrayed you

... waiting for them with opened arms. 

Many people would and will tell me "That's pointless. Why wait? They've already left! You don't even know if they're ever coming back! You're wasting your time." 

It's true that I don't know if they'll ever come back to me. But pointless? Not at all. 
Waiting doesn't mean you're not doing anything yourself in that time. 

Even in simple scenarios like waiting for class to begin, you do something to distract yourself- listen to music, doodle, text, talk with someone nearby, whatever. 

So in the time you wait for someone, which could be years, you are still doing something yet still holding onto the hope that they will come back one day. 

"Hope? That's the most idiotic thing I've heard. It's gone and done. You're hoping on something hopeless." 

Well, let me ask you... would you rather have someone tell you that you're hopeless and that you'll never amount to anything or have someone believe in you? 

There will always be people who tell me that I'm hoping on something that is pointless... but if that person means something to me, it's not pointless. 

Maybe instead of pointing your finger at the other person you're waiting on and saying "They'll never never change. They'll always be the same. They're not coming back and when they fall, they'll come back and realize I'm not going to be there to help them stand" as you turn your back and never look back... Instead...
Instead... why don't YOU change? 
Why are you giving up? 
If you give up, really, did you love them? Did you care enough to go back? 

Even if you WERE right, even if you "told them so", it's YOUR choice whether you stay or go. It's YOUR choice whether you give them another chance. 

Just think though... If it were YOU... wouldn't you want a second chance? 

So, when things get hard, you're going to walk away? So you're going to close your eyes, cover your ears and walk away from someone who's hurting? 
Even if they're bleeding on the ground at your feet?

Yes, it will hurt. Yes, it's hard. Yes, they may not always come back... 
But for those who do...
It will be the sweetest reunion. 

Think about it.