My heart hurts as the reality of the changes this year become more prominent with each new day. I know that not all the changes will be bad, but it's the fear of the unknown that is gripping me and it shakes me to the core. The realization that things may never be the same again. Along with the fear comes excitement and anticipation in the fact that my days will never be the same-- There will be no repetitive days. A repetitive cycle, maybe, but never a day. There will always be something new and something different. Something to look forward to and things I wish I could avoid. Reasons to hold on and let go. Someone to laugh and cry with.
There's so much I'm feeling right now that I can't really focus on anything. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. There's so much... in this life. Things that don't last and things that do. People who will be in my life for a moment and others that will be there for a lifetime. Memories that will resurface and others that will always remain. Feelings that will make me want to run and shout and others that will make me fall to my knees and cry. Moments that will fly by and others that will stretch into eternity.
Realizations and revelations about who I am and what this life is supposed to be like.
It's so different from KNOWING something and UNDERSTANDING something. You can know how find the solution to a problem but if you don't necessarily have to understand the process or reasoning. There's also a big difference between UNDERSTANDING and BELIEVING.
A few days ago, understanding hit me like a freight train. What love really is. The best definition, explanation, and guideline for love resides in 1Corinthians 13.
Love isn't earned but freely given.
Also, saying that you'll be there for someone may be good and well, but in all honesty, it's hard for the other person because there's nothing to hold onto except a promise. Promises are fragile and are easily broken. Actions truly speak louder than words.
When the opportunity comes, when the right doors open, I WILL be there. It won't just be words on a screen but words from my mouth as I stand before you as I am.
Just like how you'd rather have the real person instead of a phone call, text message, email, or letter. Not that those things aren't good or treasured but... there's something immensely different about having someone actually there, close enough to touch and hear.
So many.... so much... it's overwhelming but I won't stop. I will fight what needs to be fought. I will stand my ground when all I really want to do is run. I will run when all I want to do is stay and argue. I will do my best to love.
1 Corinthians 13:13--"Three things will last forever- faith, hope and love- the greatest of these is LOVE."
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
True Freedom
TRUE FREEDOM IS:
-learning to love yourself
-no longer being ashamed of something you did
-being forgiven
-unashamed dancing or singing
-realizing that the way you've been defined isn't really who you are
-seeing yourself as beautiful
-realizing you were made for more
-not finding your worth in any one person
-breaking free from statuses and labels
-hugging someone without caring what it looks like to others
-finding joy in knowing that you are loved despite whatever you've done or will do
-having peace and believing you're taken care of
*realizing that you are FREE in Christ.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Walk-In Surprise
Being a college student means being on top of things.
Like managing your schedule and making sure your grades
are up to par with your major requirements (you know,
besides the fun stuff in between).
Well, I recently realized that I was in danger of failing a class
and I planned to see my academic adviser this morning.
Walk-in hours were from 9-11am, so I set my alarm at 8 am,
confident that everything would be fine. are up to par with your major requirements (you know,
besides the fun stuff in between).
Well, I recently realized that I was in danger of failing a class
and I planned to see my academic adviser this morning.
Walk-in hours were from 9-11am, so I set my alarm at 8 am,
Next morning,
something doesn't feel right.
I'm thinking to myself,
It'll be alright. I'm going to wake up, and
be one of the first ones there
and sort things out with an adviser.
Several minutes later.I'm thinking to myself,
It'll be alright. I'm going to wake up, and
be one of the first ones there
and sort things out with an adviser.
Wait... something feels wrong.
Shouldn't my alarm have gone off by now?
. . . Shouldn't my alarm have gone off by now?
I suddenly spring out of my bed and look at the time
to find that... it's 10:12!!!
By now, I'm freaking out because it's one of the last days that I can
get help for my situation so you can imagine me sprinting to campus
(which, distance-wise, isn't exactly a walk in the park).
On my way there, I remember to pray even as I'm racing against time.
It went something like this:
God, I know that I woke up late. There's no one to blame but myself,
to find that... it's 10:12!!!
By now, I'm freaking out because it's one of the last days that I can
get help for my situation so you can imagine me sprinting to campus
(which, distance-wise, isn't exactly a walk in the park).
On my way there, I remember to pray even as I'm racing against time.
It went something like this:
God, I know that I woke up late. There's no one to blame but myself,
and even though this is a scary situation right now, I believe that you can
still redeem it. I'm going to have faith and believe, if it's your will,
that I will make it in time to see an adviser. And even if I don't, I know that
you still have things under control and I don't need to worry.
Just then, I was reminded of an adviser who had helped me out last spring.
Another little miracle in itself, but that will be saved for another time.
What you need to know though is that this adviser helped me when
she technically wasn't supposed to and ever since, I've been
wanting to personally thank her.
Seriously, it's one of those things you'll never forget.
still redeem it. I'm going to have faith and believe, if it's your will,
that I will make it in time to see an adviser. And even if I don't, I know that
you still have things under control and I don't need to worry.
Just then, I was reminded of an adviser who had helped me out last spring.
Another little miracle in itself, but that will be saved for another time.
What you need to know though is that this adviser helped me when
she technically wasn't supposed to and ever since, I've been
wanting to personally thank her.
Seriously, it's one of those things you'll never forget.
When she came to mind, I quickly added,
And God, if it's possible, can I please see that adviser from last time?
I want to thank her so much for her help.
Now, you also have to understand that during this time of year,
trying to meet with an adviser is practically the equivalent of
trying to juggle bowling balls.With one hand.
Everyone's fighting tooth and nail to get advice and help.
I remember once waiting almost an hour before I could see an adviser.
But still, even as the clock was ticking, I raced toward my school's office.
Walking in at 10:35, the first thing I noticed was that...
it was EMPTY.
Literally.
There was all of three people waiting in that office.
At first I thought it was a trick, but I still went and signed myself in.
Lo and behold, within five minutes my name was called and as
I looked up to see who my adviser was--
-insert dramatic pause-
It was the same adviser I had prayed to meet.
Now, you also have to understand that during this time of year,
trying to meet with an adviser is practically the equivalent of
trying to juggle bowling balls.With one hand.
Everyone's fighting tooth and nail to get advice and help.
I remember once waiting almost an hour before I could see an adviser.
But still, even as the clock was ticking, I raced toward my school's office.
Walking in at 10:35, the first thing I noticed was that...
it was EMPTY.
Literally.
There was all of three people waiting in that office.
At first I thought it was a trick, but I still went and signed myself in.
Lo and behold, within five minutes my name was called and as
I looked up to see who my adviser was--
-insert dramatic pause-
It was the same adviser I had prayed to meet.
Some of you might be thinking "Come on. She's in the office.
How crazy is it really that you have her again?"
First of all, I'm a Business major
(Pre-Business technically, but keeping my fingers crossed).
How crazy is it really that you have her again?"
First of all, I'm a Business major
(Pre-Business technically, but keeping my fingers crossed).
Those of you who are in college,
have been in college,
or have looked into college--
have been in college,
or have looked into college--
know that it's one of the most popular majors.
What does this mean?
It means the number of advisers for Business majors
largely outnumber advisers for different majors.
What does this mean?
It means the number of advisers for Business majors
largely outnumber advisers for different majors.
about as likely as finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
I won't bore you with the details of the short conversation I had
with my adviser, but I will say that I'm more at peace with
my academic standing.
Needless to say, I was incredibly blessed and blown out of my mind
at how things played out today. It was perfectly orchestrated.
All I can say is:
My God is an awesome God
and he cares about the little things in my life.
Thanks, God.
You are too amazing
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